Building trust in relationship takes time. Regaining a partner’s trust if you ever lose it takes had work because it takes time to build. Depending on how deep you cut your partner, and how willing he is to let go and move on, rebuilding trust demands sacrifice from both parties.
Trust is the keyword that connect couples. Relationship is made of people with unknown background, different opinions, lifestyle, belief and understanding. The mediator, best communicator and deal maker is trust. Whenever this is compromised, each party goes their separate ways as if they never existed, because the bond is broken.
Absence of trust leaves relationship vulnerable. Since there’s lack of emotional connection, couples may stay under same roof but as single people renting a condominium. There’s failure to open up, sharing ideas, and having fun. For that matter, the relationship becomes a dry place.
When a relationship lacks trust, individuals involved are affected on different levels. Their personal life, career, relationship with other people and so forth. For this reason, couples must thrash out things .
Here are some things to consider to regain your partner’s trust.
Activities to Rebuild Trust in A Relationship
Be sure of yourself
Before rushing in to apologize, think through it. Reconsider the cause, and make sure you are ready to move on with who you hurt to fix things and turn a new leave. Too many apologies could make others lose trust in your forever.
When someone does not trust you for betrayal, it is easier to pick up from where you left them and continue but hurting them again may result in more serious fracture nothing could repair.
This is why it is important to be sure of your position before taking a step of fixing things.
Give them time to heal
It is important to provide enough room for those you hurt to grief and manage the pain they feel. Don’t chase after them repeatedly as this may dig deeper and cause more rejection. Use this space to strengthen yourself to be a better person when accepted.
No blame game on your side. Accept blame, no need playing defense. Don’t go with you pushed me to the wall attitude. It will only drag matters further.
Sincerely apologize. Let your partner know you are truly sorry for hurting him. Showing remorse can help your husband heal faster. Genuine apologies can change how people view your offense.
It is important to communicate as journeying down the new road to avoid similar mistakes. Learn not to keep secrets from them.
Try fulfilling their needs
Fulfilling their needs show how committed and willing you are to the relationship.
Trusting My Cheating Partner Again?
It hurts to be hurt. But there’s healing in forgiveness to oneself. If for nothing, forgive to save yourself.
Think through thoroughly
Before accepting the apology, be sure you are ready to keep the relationship. Forgiving your partner doesn’t mean you must keep the connection as it was. Decide the kind of relationship you intend after accepting apology and make it clear to her.
Talk about it
Initially, it is important to talk about how you feel. Let her know how much it hurts. And how unwilling you are to let go. Tell her what you considered before bringing her back into your life.
Let go the past. Its ok to let go and love again. Dwelling on the past will keep your heart hurting and bring back memories of betrayal. Also, holding to the past will tempt you to retaliate.
It may take long
Trusting again is not that easy. Depending on the degree of betrayal, you may be tempted not to accept your partner in anyway into your life.
That’s ok if you feel so. Take as long as you wish, grind about it. Blame whoever you will. Do not be pressured into accepting apology, if your partner cares that much she will surely understand the need for space to heal.
Exactly what you’ve been thinking. It doesn’t make you weak. Finding help during such hard time is appropriate. Talk to your pastor, an expert, a brother, or friend to help navigate through this moment.
Are they serious about it?
People pretend for whatever reason it may be. Perhaps she was caught, and wouldn’t want to lose you for the benefits she gains from associating with you. If the apology seems insincere, it is up to you to forgive her but turn down any involvement in the future for your own security.
How to Rebuild Trust After Cheating
Allow access to communication devices
It is true that today, technology has granted access to reaching people without creating a scene. This has encouraged cheating in different ways among partners.
When building trust in relationship after cheating, one safe way to show openness is granting access to partner to use your phone or access your phone without insecurity.
Voice out insecurity
Whenever you feel unsafe for any reason, communicate it with your partner. If you are not pleased with friends he or she hangs around, let your partner know. Hiding your fear may only result in another broken heart.
Breaking new ground
Do things you have never done together. Example bath together, drive or walk your partner to work. Go to beach. Do chores together, prepare dinner together etc.
Dating again provides a channel to communicate and get to know each other on another level. You should date often to repair damages.
Put sex on hold
Feeling unsafe to be with your partner sexually? It is ok to feel that way. Your partner should not rush you into having intercourse if they do care about you and the healing process.
Put them to test
If you are not sure of the sudden repentance, put your partner to test. Try giving a task they are not comfortable with or putting up a behavior they forbid to see their reaction.
Fun and adventure
Relationship at tender stage is full of fun. When we grow, the demand increases. This makes our lives dry and it affects the relationship negatively.
According to Dr. John Gottman sharing moments of joy and humor with your partner is one of the most effective ways to strengthen your relationship.
When there’s trust issue in a relationship, to rebuild the relationship; make sure you bring back fun in the relationship.
Infusing playfulness and adventure into the relationship helps refresh your minds. Also, reminding you of the reason you came together.
To ensure fun and adventure in the relationship; Dr. Gottman says partners should ask open-ended questions to understand what adventure means to their partners.
- Understand how your partner thinks you should have more fun together
- Understand what your partner is excited about and what their looking forward to
- Also learn from your partner the kind of one-day adventure he or she may prefer you have together
Benefits of Open-Ended Questions
- It builds strong, healthy connection with your partner
- Intentional communication where couples seek to understand each other allows partners to express themselves and become more aware of each other’s feelings and needs
- It unlocks door for deeper connections
- Open-ended questions foster meaningful conversations between you and your partner
- Allows couples to release stress
- Helps your partner to speak their mind
- Open-ended questions build trust and respect
- Encourages sharing thoughts and emotions unlike yes or no questions
Type of Questions to Ask in Open-ended Questions
- What do you think of our last trip to Africa?
- Why would you think we change school for the children?
- Tell me about work
These are possible ways to regain trust in a relationship facing trust issues. Failure to resolve little misunderstandings will lead to complicated matters which will affect your entire life and that of your children.
Finally, before you arrange for a divorce lawyer because of betrayal; do your best to resolve matters between you and your partner. See your pastor for counselling, talk to elders of your church, see your family members and friends who really care about your wellbeing.