A friend asked me how to know you are ready for marriage. Later that night, I sent her a long text which will later become signs you are not her type with the hope it helps her. It didn’t end there, I made a research, and here are my findings.
Marriage is a long-term commitment, locking eyes across the room doesn’t mean you are ready. You have to share same values with your partner, realize deal breakers, be intimate with your partner, have a fulfilled single life, and you know your purpose for marriage. When you think love is all you need, you are not ready for marriage. Until you know you also need respect, freedom, and you also need to be you in a relationship.
1. When you are satisfied with singleness
If you are cursing single life, then you are not yet ready for marriage. You should date yourself, understand who you are, get to the point where you can celebrate yourself.
If you are not happy with yourself, no body will ever be able to bring happiness in your life no matter how joyous they may be.
How to Know You Are Satisfied with Your Singleness
If you can answer these questions, you will know the percentage of success you have as a single person.
Looking for someone to keep your company because you found yourself boring may be an indication you are not ready for marriage. If you are only eager to avoid being alone, you will go for anyone.
- Ask yourself, how well do I know myself?
- What makes me happy?
- Can I leave happily without other people?
When singleness seems to be a burden, life becomes pressure. You become eager to bring people into your life always. That doesn’t give you the opportunity to grow into who you are meant to be.
I shared my personal story about how I perceive singleness and how I spend my alone times in this article: how can I be happy alone?
2. What is your purpose for marriage?
Knowing your purpose for marriage will be the right place to start. While there is no one right purpose for marriage, you want your purpose to be reasonable enough to fuel your relationship in the right direction.
What is your purpose? Is it because you are not able to deal with singleness any longer? How does that help you build a strong relationship and marriage between you and your spouse to be?
- Do you have a dream you think is worth going after and you want someone to join you fulfill it?
- Are you marring because you want to have children?
- Do you want a husband because your younger siblings are married?
- Is social media your driving force? Are your friends flaunting wedding rings all over Facebook and WhatsApp and you can’t wait to show off?
- Have you found someone you think is compatible and you really want to spend the rest of your life with?
- Do you think you are aging and need someone?
- Are you trying to avoid family pressure?
Whatever you think is your purpose, find out if it is the foundation that will be able to carry your relationship for long.
3. When you know the perfect time to marry?
The right time for marriage is when you are finally one with yourself.
You have reached the stage where you are not running away from singleness but you have fully explored yourself and know why you want to marry.
Everyone’s time for marriage varies. It may depend on when you are ready. The problem is, nobody will ever be fully ready for marriage.
People say the right time is when you found a job, others think at age 28 you should be married, some think by 35 you will figure it all and settle down.
4. When you asked the questions to ask before marriage
If you are in a relationship and wondering if its ok to go to the next level, first ask yourself, how well do you know your partner?
5. You know your core values and deal breakers
Core values are your fundamental values. Bases on which you build your character and things that matters to you most.
Deal breakers are things that you cannot stand should your partner do them and will have negative impact on your relationship i.e. partner smoking cigarette, partner drinking excessive wine, raising voice when angry, physical abuse etc.
If you both have the same core values and understand your non-negotiables or deal breakers, you have a strong foundation for your relationship, therefore, ready to marry.
Deal breakers could be one party desiring to have kids while the other doesn’t want to, a partner is ready for marriage and the other thinks he or she isn’t ready.
Your deal breakers would depend on your definition.
6. Having future plans
You are ready for marriage when you figure out your future plans. If you don’t have plans for yourself or your marriage, sit back and think through your life as a person and as wife and husband to be.
It is important to know what you want your marriage to look like, how you want to raise your children, your financial status, level of education etc.
Planning your life makes you know your non-negotiables, values, things you will need to be patience about when your partner seem difficult, your strength and weakness both as individuals and as partner.
7. You are matured to know love is not all you need
Jonathan Decker, a licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical director of Your Family Expert says love is not all you need; you also need respect, you also need freedom, and you also need to be you.
When your relationship grows to that point where you both understand that your actions matter, your finance matters, your immediate families respond to your relationship matters, then you are ready for marriage.
8. You are open to new things
Whatever conversations you have with your spouse to be, you must understand time changes and people do as well.
Your partner will learn new behavior or exhibit characters you didn’t know of initially.
9. You can deal with conflicts
You and your partner will have conflicts, it is inevitable. When you reach that stage in your mind that your marriage wouldn’t be perfect but you will be willing to resolve conflicts should they rise, then you know you are ready for marriage.
10. Taking ownership of your role in conflicts
Do you shift blames when there’s a problem? That will make marriage hard for you and your spouse. There will be conflicts in relationship, accepting your role in the conflict will help resolve it.
If you are still struggling with taking ownership of your role in a conflict between you and your partner, it is now time to work on your behavior before you enter the next phase of the relationship.
11. Knowing your partner is not needy to want their needs met
According to Gottman Institute, it’s not needy to want your needs met in a relationship. Why does knowing this makes you ready for marriage?
If you are both unwilling to meet each other’s needs, the relationship cannot thrive. For your needs to be met, you must be willing to communicate and compromise.
If you can compromise your needs for the happiness of your spouse, and your partner can do same for you, the relationship will be strong.
12. You are a good listener
When you always talk without listening, you want your needs to be met but unwilling to meet your partner’s needs. For your marriage to work, you must learn to listen to your partner.
To be ready for marriage, you should take ownership of your role in conflicts, be a good listener, be willing to compromise, and prepare to deal with conflicts in your relationship.
When needs arise, there’s a need to communicate and sometimes compromise. Draw your boundaries in your relationship and make them clear.